life after 40

I am almost 50

Of course, I have a lot of thoughts on this topic, and I’ll share some of them here. But above all, you should know that, for me, life after 40 has been the best time of my life so far. Even though tough things have happened in the past 8 years, I’ve felt more balanced and stable on the inside and I know I have the inner resources to navigate challenges.
I’ll give it a try and write in English. The reason I started my Substack account in the first place was to share my experience with the school I started at the beginning of this year. The lectures are in English, and the people I meet, along with all the sharing and practices, are also in English. So I’ve become more fluent and more comfortable expressing my emotions, feelings, and thoughts like this. The style of my writing might not be the most beautiful one, but we are talking here about essence ✨
Connection has always been important to me. I usually find it easy to express myself and share my experiences, but lately, I’ve found it harder to meet people who want to play the same game I do. I love this way of looking at things, that we connect with people who want to play with the same toys as we do. These days, my toys are the ones I’ve written about here, so I’ll do whatever’s in my power to find more people to connect with. And expressing my thoughts and emotions in English might help me do that.
And now, back to the topic of age. Lately at school, I’ve met people in their late fifties, sixties and even seventies who are full of energy and enthusiasm. They’re excited about starting something new and being part of a community where they share common interests. I loved that.
I’m usually surrounded by younger people, where I often take on the role of the wise, adult woman. But since the school started, I’ve been feeling younger again. So yes, I do believe it matters who you have around you; sometimes comparison can be a good thing.
My mom is still working at 74, and she has colleagues in their late seventies and early eighties. Being surrounded by them makes her feel normal, comfortable and even young.
Just recently, my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. My dad had this wonderful idea to create a photo album with pictures from all these years and I helped him bring it to life. There's this really nice, user-friendly app where you can upload photos directly from your phone, and it automatically creates a layout. In less than two hours, we had a beautiful photo album ready to order.

My parents are a very good example of growing old in a beautiful way. They worked hard, partied a lot—the old-school kind of partying at home—and traveled extensively. These days, my mom is still working, and my dad, now retired, has taken up cooking. They make the perfect team: my mom enjoys doing the groceries, and my dad cooks for our extended family. Their home has always been open and they still welcome many guests.
That’s the big picture after 50 years of togetherness.
If I zoom in on the details of their lives, there’s much more to talk about.
It’s no coincidence that I went to therapy for a long time. Like many families, ours carries a lot of generational trauma and someone had to do the work.
Now that I’m in a good and balanced place in my life, I can genuinely feel gratitude for all the support they gave me to grow into who I am.
I can also say I know them by heart. I’ve spent countless hours observing them, thinking about them, confronting them and asking questions about my grandparents and great-grandparents to understand more about our family history.
My grandfather, who was a physicist, even wrote his memoirs, which gave me deeper insight into their lives and ours when my brother and I were growing up.
You might wonder why I’ve been so interested, why I’ve dug so deep. For me, it feels like grounding, it gives me clarity, it helps me understand where my limiting beliefs come from and it allows me to make the most of my time here, in this body. And all this introspection and knowledge actually makes me feel more optimistic about the future. I know that all the inner work I’ve done will also help me age in a more peaceful and trustful way.

Let’s talk about one of the most difficult parts of aging, the one related to external beauty. My teenage years weren’t difficult when it came to my body’s transformation, and I intend to approach aging with the same mindset. A few weeks ago, I wrote about how being slim has always been important to me. It’s something I inherited from my father’s side of the family, so it has been mostly effortless until recent years. Of course, this is also tied to the beauty standards I was raised with. But being slim is not only about appearance; it’s also about health. And health has been a top priority during the last years.
There’s also another layer to it: it gives me a sense of control in a world where fewer and fewer things feel controllable.
In recent years, I’ve had to put in a bit more effort to maintain my weight. But it’s still manageable; avoiding late-night eating, skipping sugar based sweets and carbs.
I’m also someone who walks more than 10,000 steps a day. I love walking—it calms my mind and relaxes my body. I truly need it in my life.
I don’t practice any other sport regularly. I wish I had a more consistent yoga routine; I’ve also loved going to Pilates. But for now, walking is the only daily form of movement I do.
(later edit - I started writing this article more than a week ago and since then I discovered this workout on YouTube. for the last 8 days I have done it daily and it feels very good)
When it comes to skincare and hair care, I keep things very simple. I dye my hair by myself using a product from MioBio. I love long hair, so I take care of it with a protein shake designed for hair growth, along with a good shampoo and hair mask. For my skin, I use a day cream and night cream from Skinguru and I cleanse with simple drugstore tissues. My makeup routine is minimal—a bit of mascara, a brown eye pencil, and occasionally, a combo of lip balm and lip liner.
So this is me on a good hair day. And anyone with bangs knows that a good hair day often depends on how the bangs are behaving. I cut them myself, and sometimes they’re too short, sometimes too long.
Here is a trick: bangs also let you stretch out the time between hair dye sessions by at least a week.

I work a lot. I’ve always been like this. All the women in my family have been professionally very active. You could even call us workaholics.
A few years ago, I asked my mother how she felt when she entered menopause, and she replied, “If you have a busy life, you don’t have time to notice these things.” I’m not that busy, and I don’t want to be so busy that I miss the changes happening in my body, but I can relate to her perspective. I don’t want to give more weight than necessary to this whole “menopause thing.” I hope it will be a smooth transition.
I’m already used to taking hormones, I’ve been living without a thyroid for almost 10 years. But I’m also the kind of person who doesn’t even keep medication in the house. If I can get through something without pills, I will.
Professionally, the last few years have been very good to me. Five years ago, right at the beginning of the pandemic, I took over the management of a local advertising agency I had been part of for 12 years. These 5 years have been the most rewarding in my career.
It turns out that being a community leader suits me better than being a strategic director. I genuinely enjoy being around people, listening to them, supporting them, helping solve problems, giving direction. And above all, I care about being human in a leadership position. Here’s one small example of what that means to me: if I have to share bad news with a colleague and it’s 7 p.m., I’ll wait until the next day instead of ruining their evening. The same goes if someone is on vacation and returns Monday, I won’t message them on Friday to schedule a meeting. These may seem like little things, but they speak a lot about the kind of workplace culture I want to be part of.
We all have read the same books on personal development, but the difference is made by those who walk the daily talk.
Nowadays, I co-lead a business unit within our former agency, alongside one of my colleague and friend, Raluca. We’re a duo with long experience in communication and project management, now navigating the entrepreneurial life at its best and its worst.
But we trust the process.
What helps a lot is that we’ve both been in therapy for years and have built the internal resources to handle the ups and downs. Togetherness is the leitmotif of my life. It’s also what inspired me to start my lifestyle brand, www.zwei.ro, more than 10 years ago.

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What helped me the most during my forties was all the therapy I’ve been doing since I was thirty.
There were many ups and downs throughout those years, mostly related to relationships and the expectations I placed on them. I’m a Libra—togetherness is my middle name. The reason I first started therapy was because of a partnership. I thought I’d tell my story and the therapist would hand me a “prescription” to make the relationship work.
Seventeen years later, I’m still in therapy—now group therapy, every week—and I’m still learning. Every day I understand more about the relational field, emotional connection, intimacy, and what it really means to be present with myself and others.
Astrology entered my life even before therapy did. 2003 was a very difficult year—I went through a divorce, and the company I worked for dissolved. It was a time before social media and the boom of mainstream self-help information, so I grabbed whatever tools were available to make sense of what I was going through. Astrology became one of them and it helped ground me. I learned that Jupiter, the largest planet after the Sun, takes about 12 years to complete one orbit around the Sun. When Jupiter is in your 12th house, it supports you with low energy and it is a period of clearing out what no longer serves you. Then, when it moves into your 1st house, you're supported by its expansive, high energy, you flourish. Right now, Gemini is enjoying Jupiter’s big support, and starting in June it will be Cancer’s turn in the spotlight. Of course, every sign is influenced by Jupiter’s energy, but in different areas of life. For Libras, for example, Jupiter in Cancer activates the 10th house—so we can expect a boost in our professional lives. 🥳
For daily, weekly, or monthly horoscopes, I usually follow Astrostyle and Astrocafe.
So yes, beyond healthy routines (sleep above all, I don’t drink much alcohol, walking) it’s the wisdom that therapy (and a little cosmic guidance) brings that really shape the way I age. With introspection, more understanding. And with more compassion for the process.

And last but not least, what helps me stay balanced is the fact that Frania is almost a grown-up and I have a lot of free time. My daily schedule, outside of work, is very airy and I truly enjoy that space.
I’m not saying it’s necessarily better to have children when you’re younger. Everything has its pros and cons, life is rarely either/or, but having a 24 year old child when you’re 48 does means that you are past the phase of intense emotional and logistical demands that come with raising a teenager.
And, circling back to togetherness, being in a loving relationship with my partner is also a huge point of stability. It gives me the freedom and energy to explore my own personal dreams. That doesn’t mean there aren’t ups and downs, but overall, the glass feels more than half full.
Once I found myself in a balanced and smooth relationship, I realized just how draining it had been to be in difficult ones. I’ve always craved deep emotional connections, the kind where I go all in. With friendships too. Sometimes that meant no boundaries and that, of course, led to drama.
But I believe I’ve learned my lessons. I’m more aware now of where I stand with my internal resources, when I can give and when I need to pause. Harmony and peace are essential to me. They say these are Libra’s main goals and I recognize myself in that. Libras hate conflict and tension. We want relationships that feel calm, where people are respectful, and where things are talked through openly.
No drama would be heaven.
I also see myself in that Libra trait of needing intellectual stimulation. I love deep, philosophical conversations, especially the kind where we try to understand why we do what we do.
Some years ago, I was talking with a close friend and we realized something: we don’t gossip anymore. It’s hard enough to understand yourself, why try to figure out what someone you barely know is doing or thinking? And when envy comes up, because it still does, I’ve learned to say thank you to the people I envy. They’re showing me something I wish for. Then the deeper work begins: figuring out why I want that thing and where that desire comes from.

Mirroring has always been very important to me. For most of my life I looked for it in others, and it shaped so much of how I understood myself.
These days, I consider myself a true adult, able to mirror and hold space for myself most of the time. And that’s exactly why mentoring feels like the most natural and meaningful way for me to support others in their own growth, whether it’s professional or personal. You can read more about that here.
I find it difficult to dive deeper into this subject.
For more intimacy and vulnerability we have Hosta and mentoring sessions.

Thank you for being here.
Until next time
🤍✨
ileana